Men Decoded

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As a 29 year old female who has been doing this dating thing for awhile now, I find that I spend more time thinking about what was said during the date than actually being on the damn date. Despite how amazing said date may have been, I find myself obsessively going through every detail, trying to rationalise if they’re gonna call or if I should call. It’s a full time job, this dating business. Who needs it!? AMIRITE!? But unfortunately, it’s necessary.

Dating to me is a hybrid or everything great and horrible all the the same time. But when you find someone you click with, all the negative aspects of dating disappears, and you become this weird, giddy fuck that sings all the time and annoys your friends with dumb anecdotes that frankly, they don’t have time for, nor particularly care about, because they’re just trying to eat brunch with you and you’re getting all demented on their asses.

A big part of dating is knowing how to decipher what a guy says, because ladies, what they say doesn’t necessarily mean anything. They’re just words. Be smart and take what they say with a grain of salt and a shot of tequila or something just as strong because I feel like half the time, girls must be drunk or insane to believe some the shit guys say. So in no particular order, here is my 2 cents on what guys say vs’ what they really mean.

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“I like you. I mean, this is still new but yes, I want to see where this goes”

What girl hears: Ooooo, he wants to see where it goes! That sounds promising!

What he really means: I do like you. You seem really nice and we get along. But right now, nothing about you is saying “I am the one”. In saying that I would very much like to have sex with you and see where that goes.

“I’m just seeing what’s out there.”

What a girl hears: He’s scoping and dating around like me! We have that in common! Nice!

What he really means: I’m looking to hook up. And I’m going to make you believe I’m actually looking for someone special. But I’m actually just looking for girls to bang. You seem gullible and keen. That’s perfect for me!

“I’m not looking for anything serious right now, but when I meet the right girl I’ll know.”

What a girl hears: Maybe I’m the right girl!?

What he really means: Clearly you’re not the right girl because I just told you I’m not looking for anything serious right now and that when I meet the right girl, I’ll know. If you were the right girl, I would just say, “you’re the right girl”. But you have boobs and you’re deluded enough to think that, so yeah, hang out with me while I look for the right girl and you hang on to a false sense of hope.

“I’m hard to get attached to…”

What a girl hears: Oh, he’s been hurt in the past…I can fix him…if he lets me…

What he really means: Don’t get attached. I’m sorry. You seem nice and we click but I’m telling you this now because I don’t see you in my future. I mean, you have boobs and seem to have great personal hygiene so that’s a bonus, but seriously, don’t get attached. Sure I’ll keep texting you, talking to you, act really charming and tell you personal things that make it seem like I’m opening up, but honestly, that’s just because I’m bored and I need female validation once in awhile. And yes, we can have sex and cuddle afterwards and sure you can sleep over once in awhile but to be honest, I just don’t want to seem like an asshole by kicking you out after we have sex, I mean, I’m not a douche! We can get breakfast the next day and it will be cute and we will be filled with post coital closeness where we share a kiss here and there, but the second you leave to go home, I’ll just go back to my normal life not really thinking about you or us while you call your friends and tell them how amazing the night was. And believe me, you will get attached. Hell, you might even fall in love with me! And you will make that obvious to me and I will freak out and remind you about what I said earlier about not getting attached. Your feelings will be hurt and I may even break your heart. But fuck, I told you not to get attached. Remember? I said that at the start. And saying that means I am abstained from any wrong doing and thus negates any feelings of guilt that may occur after I crush you and you’re just a crying mess. And despite my actions not matching with my words, I was clear from the beginning. Sorry…I guess…

Ladies, gone are the days where guys will read poetry to you and confess their undying love for you through a boom box in the rain. With Tinder and every other dating app available, words have less meaning. It’s just taps on a tiny touch screen. It requires no thoughts and well, dare I say, integrity. And that’s totally fine. Communicating with someone through a dating app with the potential for romance isn’t a contract. People are allowed to have date and have fun through whatever means they want. Just make sure to keep it real and don’t get lost in dating fog. And if you do, that’s ok too. You are your own lighthouse. You can get your ass out of this situation because you know your worth and you don’t have time for these type of guys. The right guy will come along and he will keep it real and he will come correct. No games.

And of course, we like to keep gender balance on lemonlimeandmargie, so stay tuned for Part II where I tell you what girls really mean vs’ what they say.

Much love

Margie

1 Comments
  • Nate

    4.5

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