“Patience is a virtue…”
I’m sure we have all heard this said time and time again. I tend to hear this during times where I have no patience. Frankly, having this said to me during a tense situation makes me even more impatient. It’s like, “yes, I know I’m being a brat right now, and clearly I’m overreacting…but can you not?”
Patience is great. The world would be a more pleasant place if we had an endless supply of patience. I don’t necessarily agree that it’s a virtuous act, because come on…virtue? From my understanding, virtue means having high moral standards. Being impatient just means that you’re reacting to the situation because the situation is stressful or stupid. It doesn’t necessarily mean you don’t have virtue. But I suppose I shouldn’t interpret that saying in a literal sense.
I do believe in it though. Patience is the next level. That’s like some ‘nirvana-guru-yoga’ shit right there. It takes real strength and self-awareness to be patient.
So despite believing this…practicing it…well that’s another thing…
I’d like to think I was a patient person. But time and time again, I find myself in situations where I’m quite the opposite. And logically, in those situations, I know I’m being irrational and difficult, but whatever ‘impatience’ I’m feeling, overshadows the logical part of my brain screaming, “Bitch please! Keep yo shit together!”
Every night, as I am trying desperately to will myself to sleep, I do the following things:
a) look up fail videos on YouTube
b) look up cute videos of puppies and kittens on YouTube
c) stalk people on Facebook (“oooohhh, she’s engaged!! Whatta bitch!”)
On one particular boring night, I stumbled across something interesting. It’s a psychological concept called delayed gratification. In a nutshell, it’s the idea that we should resist a small, yet immediate gratification and opt for a delayed, yet lasting and much better gratification. So basically, the latter will provide better and greater rewards in the end, as apposed to some kind of momentary, passing joy. Joy none the less, but very short-lived. Sounds nifty and simple right?
This concept is so foreign to me. I think of late, I seem to be jumping into unchartered waters and saying, “don’t do it, ya idiot!” under my breath, yet still taking the plunge with the oh so irresponsible notion of, “ah fuck it.”
I guess in retrospect I’ve always been like this. It’s funny, because I thought I was quite sheltered and cautious about things. Maybe it’s just how I want to see myself, because evidently, I’m a jumper.
I have a saying, “It’s all about the little wins…”
Is it? What about the big wins? Or the ultimate wins? Why am I content with tiny, minuscule, insignificant bouts of happiness when I know I deserve more than that? Why do I think that life should just be about the instant gratification (which is usually fleeting) and not about lasting gratification?
John Mayer has this song (yes, I listen to John Mayer) and the name escapes me right now, but there’s a line in it and it’s something like, “fake love for an hour or so.” That line kills me. Because that’s what it is. Fake love. And I am just using that line as as example! Ain’t nobody in love! It’s just a perfect line which justifies the idea of false feelings.
Instant gratification. Moments hidden in small, immediate pleasures. But it’s all fleeting. It disappears with the wind. These small pleasures fade in a second. And you are left there, wondering if it was even real. At the time it felt real. But deep down, there’s that feeling it probably wasn’t. But you know, whatever. You’re a ‘jumper’, and the “ah fuck it” mentality is ok for now…right?
I feel like the whole idea of dating (and that includes all aspects of this fucked up ritual) is based on the pursuit of gratification. Whether that be instant or delayed. But let’s be honest, most of the time, we’re looking for something instant. Seriously, sometimes it’s just that ‘animalistic’ urge of, “all I wanna do is zooma zoom zoom zoom and a boom boom…” Yeah…haha. Ain’t no shame!
Finding that enduring gratification is rare. It’s so fuckin’ rare, that mere mortals can mistake this for the fleeting kind because they have probably never experienced it before. There is no means of comparison…
Let’s face it, 9 out of 10 times, dating ends badly. This is a fact. Things just don’t work out. So why dive into a situation where 9 out of 10 times, everything falls to shit and you’re cursing up at the sky saying, “WTF happened!?” It’s because even if it’s fleeting, that “fake love for an hour or so” keeps us motivated in our pursuit for the real thing. It’s totally fucked up. I totally don’t get it. But fuck me, I’m totally guilty of it.
Is it sustainable? No. Is it healthy? No. Is it fun? Well, yes. Haha! It really is!
But there are moments when it’s not. It seems like fun, but in the end, is it just wasted time? And here come the questions…
Why would I want fake love for an hour or so, when I can wait for something real?
Wait, scratch that.
Why would I settle for fake love for an hour or so, when I know I deserve something real?
Ah, the questions…
Patience is a virtue. And I should start thinking about becoming more virtuous…not that I wasn’t before. I mean, I am morally excellent (haha)…except for all the times I watched YouTube fail videos of people falling…
Hey, I’m only human.
BUT! In saying all that, for the mean time…
Why not, right? Like I said, I’m only human 🙂
M – The original rump shaker.