I think I have a pretty good life, In the sense that I can pretty much do what I want, (within the boundaries of my financial status and looks) when I want. Of course I can’t like, buy a tiger or seduce Ryan Gosling into marrying me or anything excessive like that, but you know what I mean. My life is also pretty good because family is great and my friends are great and everyone is healthy and all that. It’s just good. The living is easy!
But then the universe decided that I deserved to get the worst cold/flu/virus/bronchitis/plague of my life.
The nights were the worse because the coughing was epic and gross. I was on my 12th day of this rancid and putrid sickness, trying to sleep but obviously couldn’t because of all the coughing. As I was laying on my bed, sweating the worse sweat I have ever sweated, while vomiting into a plastic bin (I feel like bins are sadder when they are plastic), I thought to myself, “Fuck this life, however pleasant it may be. I would very much like to die now.” That was the first time in my life where I was like, “Yup, I’m good. Ok death, I welcome you.” It was that awful. And knowing that I had to wake up in about an hour to try to do a good job of being a presentable human being at work was so fucking awful that I just thought, death seems to be a better option right now.
I just realised how selfish that sounds, but whatever I had was just shredding my emotional and physical being. I didn’t feel like a human anymore. I felt like a lumpy bag of vibrating phlegm. Urgh.
I’m fine now. It took like, 2 weeks to get over it. And there still seems to be some residual mucus action going on. That information is gross. You didn’t need to know that so, sorry. But yes, I feel MUCH better now. Like, life is worth living again. And I can taste food again which is amazing! I had an orange slice the other day and I was like, “Oh Jesus, this feels amazing in my mouth and in my heart!” And then I started talking dirty to the orange and was like, “You like that? You filthy orange slice…” Yeah it was weird but it seemed appropriate at the time.
So I lived 2 weeks of my life in what seemed like a snot cavern. And it was boring as shit. That is the worst part of being sick. The boredom. It’s depressing and your brain starts thinking really dark thoughts. One of my thoughts were, “If I was married this wouldn’t be happening…” How insane is that? Like, a marriage is going to stop a viral infection?
So during the darkness, I had to find something to try and stop the crazy thoughts and boredom because I couldn’t go out or do anything fun. I was physically unable to function because my brain was mucus mush and my body was being destroyed by the cough. And I immediately thought, YouTube! Yes, watching YouTube clips will surely pass the time. So that’s what I did. And I was just browsing and decided to watch some stand-up comedy. Surely that will make me happy?
I clicked on a clip of Louis C.K. I have always thought he was hilarious but never really payed any attention. Well now he has my full attention. I feel like I’ve wasted a lot of time not loving this guy. So many years of not appreciating how awesome this guy is upsets me. Like, it REALLY upsets me.
So in the last week or so I have completely devoured anything related to Louis. His stand up, his TV shows, even radio podcast of interviews because I just can’t get enough. There is not enough Louis C.K. material in the world to fulfill this hunger that is growing inside of my body. Too much?
I think he is the smartest, funniest, creative man around at this very moment. His stand up is shocking as all hell, but that’s what I love about him. That fact that he is brave enough to talk about the most taboo subject matter, which is usually super offensive, but delivers it in a way where the audience goes, “waaaaaait a second…that’s so true!” He makes you think about it not in a humorous way, but in a raw and honest way. And I think honesty is quite funny because you remove all the bullshit, politically correctness of everything and it’s like, “Oh yeah…that’s pretty fucked up”. And it’s just funny! There is something about people being nervous about certain things that are really funny. And Louis is the master at this.
Other than being a funny guy, he’s also an amazing writer/director/editor. He does all of this for his TV show Louie, which is just so good. And I throw that word around for a lot of things, but this show is good. It’s just so good that I think about it before I go to sleep at night and hope that I will have Louie related dreams.
It’s funny, I finished watching all his TV shows and I feel sad. Like a deep sadness within. It feels like a breakup. Or like, a really good friend decides to move overseas and you’re all like trying to cope and be strong and rely on the fact that life goes on. It’s so weird! I have never felt like this about any other show in my life? And why would I? It’s a stupid TV show. It’s not real life. No one died!
So yes. I guess I’m in love with Louis C.K. This is just how it has to be now for the rest of my life. I just have to be in love with this funny guy and hope that I will eventually meet him and tell him that I am his soul mate. This is now who I am.
I mean, I believe that he saved me from dying. I’m being really crazy right now, I know, BUT that cold was killing me. Maybe not so much a physical death, but my brain was pretty much checking out and was thinking deep dark thoughts about my existence as a person and how shit my life is at that very moment.
So, Louis saved my life. In more ways than one…
I’ll explain more in Part 2. In the meantime, here is one of my favourite clips from the show Louie. I think we have all been in this situation…